dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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