Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
