we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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