I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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