i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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