I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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