READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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