That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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