I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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