He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
