can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
