How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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