So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
