Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
