If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
