It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
