so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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