i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
