If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
