Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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