Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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