there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
