im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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