In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
