I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
