I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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