Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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