omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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