Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
