God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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