he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
