just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
