on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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