they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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