how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
