If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
