I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
