im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
