It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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