How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
