I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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