Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
