Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
