Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
