ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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