Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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