is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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