I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
