I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize