this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Randomize
