That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
