the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
