We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
