Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
