I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
