haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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