so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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