areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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