Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
