I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
