Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
