It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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