i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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