Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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