OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
