You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hippo gnu deer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
