Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
