perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
