i think my mom watched the whole time
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
