You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
