Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
