Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sext me about skeletons
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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