"it" just moved
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
