it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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