the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
