In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
