how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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