it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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