I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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